Selecting a name for a future baby is a cherished experience for many expectant parents. However, for one woman on Reddit, what should have been a joyful moment became a cause of heartache.
After years of battling infertility, she and her husband kept a list of baby names they hoped to use someday. Unfortunately, her dreams were shattered when her sister, who already has five children, chose one of those names for her new baby boy.
Read the full story below, along with insights from baby name expert Abby Sandel.
The woman had faced infertility for years, yet she remained hopeful, keeping a list of names for a future child.
Then, her sister took one of those names for her newborn son
Image credits: Ksenia Chernaya / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
Picking a baby name is a deeply personal choice
Choosing a baby name can be a lengthy and emotional process, often involving hours of list-making and dreaming about the future. It’s no wonder that the Reddit user was upset when her sister “stole” a name she had been holding onto.
“This is such a painful situation,” baby name expert Abby Sandel told Bored Panda. “Names are more than just letters on paper; they embody our hopes and dreams for the family we want to create. This is especially true for couples dealing with infertility.”
Sandel notes that sometimes choosing a name that someone else wanted can be purely coincidental. For instance, two family members might each want to name their child after their grandmother. “It’s worth considering if your children can share a name,” Sandel suggests. “Could Eleanor’s granddaughters be called Ellie and Nora? If your college friend also loves the name Liam, will it really matter if you see each other only a few times a year?”
However, if you are set on a specific name, relinquishing it can be challenging and may lead to conflicts with loved ones.
“My general rule is this: relationships matter more than names,” Sandel advises. “The most painful situations arise when someone close to you learns of your favorite name—especially if it’s uncommon—and then uses it without considering your feelings.”
“A coincidence is painful, but intentionally taking the name is a whole new level of hurt.”
Sandel recommends several steps if you believe using a particular baby name might cause issues. If you’re committed to using the name despite potential strain, she suggests informing the other person in advance.
“In this case, you’re not asking for permission but giving the other person a chance to prepare,” she explains. “For example: ‘I know you’ve always liked the name Jack, but it’s my husband’s grandfather’s name, and since he recently passed, we feel strongly that it’s meant to be our son’s name.’”
Alternatively, if you’re willing to consider others’ feelings, asking might be a good approach. “Perhaps you have two favorite names and prefer Emma but would choose Sophie to avoid hurting your sister-in-law,” Sandel notes. “In that case, you could say, ‘We’d really like to name our baby Emma, but I know you’ve mentioned how much you love it for a future daughter.’ Ideally, she’ll respond positively and be pleased that you’re using such a great name.”
Sandel sympathizes with the Reddit user. “The new mom could have chosen a different name—or at least informed her sister privately before making the announcement.”
“To anyone who suggests it’s just a name and you should let it go,” Sandel concludes, “I’d say: ‘It’s not just about the name. It’s about the implication that I’ll never be a parent, and therefore my feelings and preferences don’t matter.’”
People in the comments sympathized with the woman and felt her sister was out of line
